Everybody Sing Now
by AkaiHato
Summary: Outbreak of singing during holiday season. It’s Darien’s fault too.


[Originally titled The Musical Epidemic]  
  
Hallo people, this is a quick little holiday I-man story I scribbled out some years ago for the I-man  
  
Bboard. I excavated it from the depths of my computer files.  
  
(I don't own characters, etc etc.)  
  
May it amuse you.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Maybe it was the season.  
  
Maybe it was a certain something in the air.  
  
Maybe it was the fact that radios, TVs, malls, and every cubic foot of the country had  
  
holiday music being broadcasted 24/7.  
  
Whatever it was, Darien Fawkes stepped into the Agency headquarter building unwittingly  
  
humming random bits of Christmas carols, Holiday music, Monty Python's, "It's Christmas in  
  
Heaven," and for some reason or another, Beethoven's "Fur Elise."  
  
  
  
By the time he sauntered down the halls of the Agency, Darien was singing in full blast,  
  
"...Yo-ou would even say it glows- like a lightbulb!"  
  
Hobbes, intending to cue Darien in on the Official's briefing of their next mission, had just  
  
caught up to him. Actually, now he was staring at Darien. "..um.. Fawkes?"  
  
"All-of the o-ther rein-deer, reindee-"  
  
"Fawkes!"  
  
"Huh- what- oh, hey, Hobbes," greeted Darien in a mildly suprised but nonchalant tone.  
  
Then he paused. "..Was I singing?"  
  
"...Yes."  
  
"Um.. Was I singing, Rudolph'?"  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
"...Since when was I singing?" When Darien saw Hobbes hesitate in his reply, he hurriedly  
  
cut off Hobbes's response with, "Wait- never mind."  
  
Hobbes looked at Darien with concern. Or maybe he was fighting down a snort of  
  
laughter.  
  
Darien muttered a combination of a moan and something that sounded, "Gyah."  
  
***  
  
Hobbes had the same sort of vocal reaction, when the Official, pausing in his explanation  
  
of a slide of a trout and some suspects, quietly asked Hobbes why he was humming, "I Have a  
  
Little Dreidel."  
  
Except, Hobbes had more enthusiasm, crying, "Gaaaaah!" instead of "gyah." In addition,  
  
he shoved Darien's chair away (with a surprised Darien still in it), yelling, "You're infecting me!  
  
G'way!"  
  
***  
  
Carefully putting away the slide projector into its storage case, which happened to be a  
  
cardboard box, Eberts wondered what Robert's interruption during the Official's presentation was  
  
about. Personally, he thought it was evidence that could be used against Agent Hobbes in some  
  
way.  
  
The thought didn't go too well the spirit of the season. Eberts was about to suggest it to  
  
Mr. Borden anyway, when he realized that the Official had been humming and was now singing to  
  
in a low voice, "Santa Claus is Coming to Town."  
  
"He se-es you when you're slee-ping.. he kno-ws when you're awake.." The Official  
  
continued to absently hum to himself as he shifted files and took out a negative to hold to the light  
  
and peet at it. "He knows if you've been bad or good..."  
  
After a while, Eberts cleared his throat. "Sir?"  
  
"...So you be-tter watch out, you be-tter...." the Official trailed off. He slowly blinked,  
  
then put the negative down. A moment later, he turned around.  
  
"Eberts?"  
  
"Yes, sir?"  
  
"You're to speak of this to no one. Understood?"  
  
"Er, of course- Yes, sir."  
  
***  
  
"This is the Keeper. Do you know Darien's whereabouts, by any chance?" questioned the  
  
Keeper over the phone.  
  
"I dismissed him and Agent Hobbes a while ago. But from what I heard as they left, I  
  
wouldn't be surprised if the two went out to get coffee or something," replied the Official.  
  
Claire made a noise of disgust, muttering something about procrastinators and one little  
  
shot. She vaguely noted a humming in the background of the Official's office.  
  
Meanwhile, the Official went on in asking her about some detail and loophole of the Q.S.  
  
project. As he did so, the Keeper noticed that the faint humming in the background was growing  
  
louder and louder.  
  
It sounded like Eberts singing, or at least humming in volume, a medley of the Nutcracker  
  
Suite. The Keeper took a moment to worriedly put a hand to her forehead.  
  
***  
  
By now, when Darien and Hobbes arrived at the Keeper's lab, one would assume she'd be  
  
singing something holiday-ish too. But actually, the Keeper was getting into "Barbie Girl" by  
  
Aqua. No one knew why.  
  
As it was, Hobbes and Darien, returning from a short trip in the city and lightly arguing  
  
(each having bursting into song in the middle of the street, each blaming the other for doing so),  
  
strolled into the lab and found the Keeper apparently taking a break from cleaning her equipment.  
  
She had a graduated cylinder held like a mike, singing, "...I'm a barbie gi-irl, in a barbie wo-orld,  
  
life in plas-tic, it's fanta-sti..."  
  
Again, no one knew why the Keeper was singing this, but why she halted so abruptly  
  
wasn't very hard to puzzle out. After the initial shock, Darien and Hobbes were probably too  
  
distracted in mirth to answer any questions, though.  
  
Suddenly the Keeper began stringing things together and made a wild guess. "Wait- wait!"  
  
she cried in horror. "Did either of you start singing while you were outside?"  
  
***  
  
Soon everyone across the town was singing. They didn't really mean to. Actually, most  
  
people wouldn't admit it at first, but everyone actually had a blast loudly humming, if not  
  
hollering at the top of their lungs, their favorite song or random piece of holiday music. Until they  
  
became aware of the fact they were singing, and then they felt kind of stupid.  
  
Darien, the Keeper, Hobbes, the Official, Eberts, and the odd Agency personnel watched  
  
the scene below from the Official's office windows.  
  
The Keeper, turning away from the window, looked at Darien.  
  
"Now look what you did!"  
  
~~~~~~ the end ~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
  
  
Moral: Singing should be stifled at its source as soon as possible.  
  
(Bonus: Say the moral out loud 5 times as fast as you can. After you've done so, scan your  
  
surroundings to see wether anyone caught you doing so.) 


End file.
